Is Marriage for White People

Every black man I know hates this discussion. My father tells me, "It doesn't matter if all black men are 'dogs'.' How many do you need? You only need one man. You can't tell me of all the men in the world there is not one." As a child, I heard him say this to every single woman in my family. As a child, I believed him. As an adult, I realize what that even if the woman only needs one man strange things happen when the man has the world at his disposal.

My father wouldn't believe it as a man with many options (even in his older years); he would not understand. Thus, I am delighted that the book Is Marriage for White People was written by a man. I am certain that if a Black woman had written the exact words she would be accused of bad mouthing Black men, over exaggerating the obvious or being the stereotypical angry Black woman.

Perhaps Banks should have titled his work Is Marriage for White Women. He admits that while the problem of Black women is too few choices, the problem of the Black middle class or upper class man is too many. Banks is a thorough expert on the Black middle class. However, if he spent any time with the Black working class he would realize that even Black men who are not middle class earners have the upper hand. Contrary to what he says, incarceration nor underemployment prevents Black men's options to marry. The fact that Banks doesn't give Black men who aren't in the middle class enough credit is the primary fault of the book.

I thoroughly enjoyed Is marriage for White People [Women]. Reading the stories of the women cited in the book was like talking to old friends or older mentors. The primary goal of the book seems to be 'Should Black women marry men who are not Black.' The secondary goal is, 'Are black women even desirable to anyone besides Black men?' And the unfortunate understatement is are Black women desirable to Black men, Dyson aside.

Whether you agree with Banks' conclusions or not, and I do, Is Marriage for White People [Women] is well worth the read.